• Schedule some down time between now & your holiday celebrations.  Get out your calendar & block out an hour here, a few hours there--at least a few hours each week.   And this doesn't include parties, holiday lunches or shopping, as much as you might enjoy them.  Down time is sitting on the sofa or in a comfy chair, putting your feet up and turning off the phone and the computer, watching the birds out the window.  Walking a labyrinth.  Sitting under a tree.  Putting on some headphones and listening to amazing music.  Kicking the leaves.  Journaling.  Dancing.  When we say peace on earth begins with you, this is where it starts...making space for quiet moments.
   
• Savor the holiday.  If you can avoid rushing back to work after your holiday celebrations, do so (and if the culture doesn't recognize your particular winter holy days, all the more reason to take charge and make space for them). One of my favorite weeks of the whole year is the week between Christmas & New Year's.  My husband & I stay home with the kids.  No plans.  Sometimes we don't even get out of our pajamas.  We play games, read books, sit by the fire and take naps.  Heaven. 
   
• Make a list of everything you think you need to do to make it "feel like" the holiday season and then examine that carefully.  What do you do every year because your mother did it (or because someone else expects you to?) Do you REALLY need the outdoor lights? The trees in 3 rooms? The garland on the staircase? 100 Christmas cards? If this is a joy for you, by all means have at it.  However, please forego any holiday related activity that you can't do with peace in your mind and a song in your heart. 
   
• See if some of your family and friends would be open to celebrating in January.  If you are fortunate enough to have lots of people who love you, you might spend all of December running from holiday lunches to parties to dinners.  The rushing about could actually steal some of the pleasure you'd otherwise feel connecting with special people.  Tell a few of your loved ones that you want to relax and unwind with them after January 1 when things slow down and you can savor your togetherness. 
   
• Do your shopping early (and cut back on the shopping wherever you can)  If your holiday gift exchange has been reduced to swapping envelopes, it might be time to consider forgetting that tradition altogether: donate to a charity instead and just enjoy each other's company! But where gift-giving is a joy (or seems a necessity) then get the shopping done sooner rather than later. (We've got some ideas for you....see below)
   
• Let go of unrealistic holiday expectations.  It seems that there's a lot of cultural pressure for the holidays to make up for all that's gone wrong between people throughout the year (or maybe through their whole lives).  If you have a parent who finds little ways to cut you down, or a sibling who always gets you presents you don't like, or a relative with obnoxious kids, why go into the family holiday powder keg with a lit match of old wounds and unmet needs--and then act surprised when the whole thing explodes? The truth is, most people do the best they can, most of the time.  Our families are not perfect (of course, neither are we).  And once you're a grown up it's time to stop looking to your family to give you what you never got as a child.  Make some new traditions for yourself, invest in creating a "family of choice" with friends who love you for who you are, and try to approach family gatherings with a sense of humor.  Author & Life Coach Martha Beck encourages playing "dysfunctional family bingo" with your friends.  Before your holiday gatherings, make up unique bingo cards with all of the predictably irritating events that might happen:  an uncle asks why you still aren't married; your mother asks why you wore that outfit; the lecherous family friend gropes you...you get the idea.  When these things that used to drive you crazy occur, you can laugh to yourself and mark them off on the dysfunctional family bingo card in your mind.  Keep track of what time it is when you fill a row.  Get together with your friends in January, laugh about the horror stories.  And whoever filled a row first gets their dinner bought by the rest of the group! Guaranteed to lighten your family holiday experience.
   
• Fantasize.  What would make your holiday really special? Pick one thing and then do that.  It may not have anything to do with your previous ideas about what we do at midwinter.  If your something special involves an expectation of another person, find a way to meet the need for yourself instead.  Do yourself a favor and get clear on why you may have felt let down after the holidays in years past.  Quit waiting for someone else to figure out what will make you happy.  The sweetness comes from connecting with your wildest dreams and then promising yourself that you will find a way to make them happen.  Maybe this year your gift to yourself is to take one step in that direction. 

We hope  this list will help you give yourself permission to create a happy and stress-free (or at least, no more stressful than the rest of the year) holiday season! And we're here to help with the holiday shopping too! Look below to see our favorites in books, music and movies for the holidays.  Blessings, Kim & Mary Lou