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Move over Christmas. Stand aside Easter and Yom Kippur. Ash
Wednesday, Ramaadan and Succot aren't even in the running.
Of course, America's true Holy Day of Obligation
is Mother's Day.
Regardless of how strong or rocky your relationship with
your Mom is, if you are lucky enough to have a living
Mother, then you probably try to find a way to say "I love
you" on Mother's Day. If you are anything like me, perhaps
you look for ways to make up for all the times you've let
your Mom down or taken her for granted.
(If you have children of your own you may
feel a unique sense of remorse as you realize how blithely
and ignorantly you trampled on Mom's feelings prior to
becoming a parent yourself.
Perhaps even more sobering is the realization that you are
now modeling for your children the appropriate way to behave
toward one's parents as an adult...)
So, the fateful day is fast approaching once again. Mother's
Day. How might you make this year's celebration one that
you'll feel good about? How to begin distilling the complex
package of emotions you inevitably feel toward your mother
into a genuine expression of love and appreciation?
As a counselor specializing in women's spirituality (and a
mother and daughter myself), I know that what many mothers
want is simply this: to be seen. To be Witnessed. To have
their best selves acknowledged and reflected back to them in
some way.
Most mothers, regardless of how much they love their kids,
feel that some part of their Essential Self got lost or
buried with the arrival of their first child. With
motherhood, their identity became less about who they were
and more about how they serve others. (Perhaps this explains
the general lack of enthusiasm for gifts of toasters, vacuum
cleaners and oven mitts). If moms are very lucky, however,
they have some special people in their lives (perhaps even
their adult children) who support them in finding those lost
pieces again.
This year, in honor of Mother's Day, spend a little time
reflecting on your Mom.
Who is your Mother?
What are her passions?
Does she like to read? About what? And why?
What is she most proud of?
What does she like best about herself?
What's her favorite memory?
Her favorite song?
What are her regrets?
Who does she miss?
What makes her laugh? Or cry?
If you can't answer these questions, then perhaps your Mom
has forgotten some of the answers too. Ask her to show you a
scrap book from her school days. Show some curiosity in her
childhood dreams and interests. Find out if she'll tell you
about the great love of her life. Spend some time with her
and step outside of your parent-child roles. Notice your
habitual patterns of relating to each other as they arise,
then let them go. Try to relate to her as a woman instead of
a mother.
When choosing a gift or card for your Mom this year, see if
you can find something that reflects her inner beauty and
creativity. Feed her dreams. If she's always wanted to
travel to Ireland, get her a book filled with pictures of
the Irish countryside-- then ask her when she's planning to
go.
If she used to play a musical instrument, perhaps she'd
enjoy some classical music or tickets to a performance and a
night out with you.
Would she relish painting or dance lessons?
An unusual bouquet of flowers in a color she loves? A unique
piece of jewelry or clothing that goes beautifully with her
eyes or hair?
An astrological reading?
If she has written poetry (or has a favorite poem or prayer
written by someone else), what about having it set to
calligraphy or music?
Do something different, fun and delightful. The amount you
spend is much less important than the care you take to show
that you celebrate your mother as a complex, multi- faceted
person. Yes, you'll have to invest a little more time. Go
ahead. Make the time. You'll be gifting yourself in the
process.
Happy Mother's Day!
P.S. We've got some unusual, delightful gifts on our
website--see the surrounding links or browse our website:
www.findsforseekers.com for something that your own Mom
might love this year.
Thank you for your business! Please visit
www.findsforseekers.com anytime
you are looking for books, music, media, clothing, jewelry,
art, conscious gifts for yourself or others....we feature
items that are life and health enhancing and we donate 10%
of our after-tax profits to non-political charities that
empower women and children and heal the planet. Shop where
you feel good (and pass the word!)
P.P.S. (we don't have the concert tickets or
the trip to Ireland, but we have gathered some rich,
sumptuous, life-enhancing items! Take a look...)
Kimberly Schneider, LPC
http://www.findsforseekers.com
(a mother-daughter venture!)
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